In Flux
In times of ambiguity, I turn to art, hoping it will ground me in purpose and perspective. I’ve grown increasingly reflective about my own identity, including my spiritual beliefs, gender identity, family, and community relationships. Grappling with the unraveling of my core values, as the traditions and principles I had long embraced came into conflict with my personal commitment to social equality, I reevaluated my long-term goals. This process has encouraged me to deeply explore and redefine my understanding of self.
The Triptych
I created a charcoal triptych, Metamorphosis, to depict collective change—a process deeply familiar due to recent events. It portrays an interior perspective evolving through three stages: from its initial, traditional form (panel 1) to a dilapidated, overgrown ruin (panel 2) and finally to a revived, industrialized state (panel 3). This progression symbolizes unrelenting transformation, mirroring the shifts in politics, medicine, education, and economics during the pandemic. The central image conveys a sense of untethering, reflecting the tension of change. Periods of clarity emerge as we reassemble fallen structures into a more futuristic form, but whether this evolution is for better or worse remains ambiguous.
The Shift
Although the triptych had helped me better visualize the intense and cathartic transformations of identity, from blissful optimism to contemplative but turbulent introspection, I wasn’t ready to call it “complete.” It failed to reflect the emotional experience of my own “metamorphosis” — the anxiety, dejection, and ultimately, the acceptance of ambiguity. It felt impersonal.
I constructed a new piece that could better account for my personal emotions: a textile installation created from the original triptych. I scanned my charcoal drawings into my iPad and used Procreate to digitally break down, colorize, and reassemble the charcoal pieces into an abstract textile design, a process that paralleled the “stripping down” of my identity amid constant transformation. I found that the flowing, fluid qualities of cloth better portrayed my turbulent emotional journey.
